You are the Ethicist!

How would you respond to this?

My good friend just died. In the last weeks of his lucidity, he told me he absolutely wanted his mistress of many years to attend his memorial service. He relayed a few messages through me to her, as he lay dying. His wife did well in her role as caregiver, running an in-house hospice for him. But their marriage was — by his account and all available evidence — in shambles for years. His wife knew the mistress existed, and only in the waning months of his life did my friend sever the extramarital relationship (in order to die with less complexity at home). There will be a funeral, hosted by his family. The dilemma: Enact the expressed will of my friend and ensure the mistress is present or — given the wife’s emotional fragility and proneness to angry outbursts — enact my friend’s constant goal of peace and simplicity for his child. NAME WITHHELD, NYC

I agree with the Ethicist in the NY Times magazine - the funeral is public & it is for the family and friends, some private viewing for the mistress would be the better way to handle it.

You can read his whole response:

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/19/magazine/the-mistress-at-the-funeral.html?ref=theethicist&_r=0